If It Ain't Broke

We all know the saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Well that's how I made up my mind about continuing with private school as long as I can for Tigerlily.

June was a rough month for me in regards to getting Tiger to and from school. Getting her ready to go was taking over an hour and she was screaming on the way home. She also started saying she was fat and that she didn't want to eat because she would be fat and ugly. She said it on the way home from school. Tigerlily is very literal I don't know who, when or what was said but it breaks my heart that at the age of 6 my daughter is already subject to societal pressures to be pretty and thin. I started worrying about her being teased at school.

Then I ran into an acquaintance who homeschools, believes in it whole heartedly and talked about all the wonderful things they were doing etc. & then I started second guessing myself again. Tiger seriously suffered during the 5 months she was in a public school. I can't seem to let go of my guilt over sending her or how long it took me to take her out. We put her into a private school and things got much better. Still I wondered if I was doing the right thing and so I started researching homeschooling and checking out books at the library and reading blogs etc. I even set up a school room and tried.

But I can't do it. I am just not patient  or strong enough. The whining, screaming, crying, meltdowns and debates just suck the life right out of me. I have a tendency to drive myself crazy trying to be a superwoman and do it all. If you can do it, more power to ya but its not working for me folks.



Today I dropped her off at her schools last week of summer camp & guess what, after being there for less than 5 minutes she asked her teacher for some math to do.

Decision made. I'll go back to work and she'll go back to school.


The High Functioning Life, where it's ok to let the professionals handle it.

HFL Mama

Cinema One

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that Tigerlily loves T.V., YouTube, Netflix, etc. Daddybear is a gamer and binge watcher of series. I prefer to read, blog,  FB and Pinterest but I do follow a couple shows and we all love movies. But we don't go to the movies. Frankly we are just not up for the public meltdown, paying the exorbitant admissions only to have to leave early and the theatre is 45 min. away.

I've attempted movies before, those mommy and me showings but  very loud public meltdowns had me carrying her out to the car, before the movies even began. It's been years since I've tried.

Until last Friday.

Last Friday was one of those days where Tiger seems like a 12 year old instead of 6 year old. Happy, calm, completely self sufficient and a joy to parent. She amazed during her swimming lesson, had no problems with driving around running errands, she didn't need any reminders or social prompting. There was no stimming AT ALL. She had an ASD vacation day,  a golden day. The only downside to the day was knowing it had to come to an end. Daddybear wouldn't be home for our bedtime routine. ( did alarm bells just go off in your head cuz I'm hearing them just typing that sentence). Yes I knew our vacation was going to be a short one, and I really just wanted to make it last. So I took her to the movies.

We went to see The Secret Life Of Pets. We sat in the back row, I spoke briefly with the people surrounding us, alerting them that this was our first movie, we might be loud and that we would be out of our seats, up and down throughout the movie. I did not offer an explanation, nor any form of apology, but I did give them a heads up so that they could move away from us prior to the movie starting. The people in front of us chose to move, those beside stayed. I figure tickets are expensive and that alerting them ahead of time was a good way to prevent a problem later, if Tiger had any issues.

Why did I say if? Of course she had issues, the wait for the movie to start was a bit long, the commercials made her mad for some reason but the previews were ok. She was good for the first 30 minutes and then the stimming started, and then the up and down out of her chair, she wanted to watch the show, she didn't want to leave but she was getting overwhelmed and of course tired this was 7 o'clock showing and Tiger is a serious sundowner. Eventually I just pulled her onto my lap into and held her in the cannonball position so she could get pressure sensory input, which would allow her to focus on the movie. We made it to the end of the movie this way.

After the movie we got popcorn and headed home. As soon as we got in the door Tiger announced that she was going to bed and that she wasn't going to brush her teeth or change.

"I just want to go to sleep right now, good night Mama".

She didn't even notice Daddybear wasn't home.


The High Functioning Life, I'll take two tickets please.


HFL Mama

To Do

Hey I wrote this a few days ago but forgot to post it, guess it should have been on my to do list.


I tie myself up in knots, trying to get my to do list done. I feel like I'm always 10 steps behind. This summer is flying past, I had such big plans, all the things I wanted to do with Tiger, places I wanted to take her, things I wanted to teach her, therapy and homeschooling and I'm an idiot.

Somewhere amongst making all my grand plans and booking stuff I forgot to take into account Tiger.

 Tiger behaves differently depending on the day, how much sleep she's had, which stars are aligned etc. For example, yesterday it took three hours to get Tiger up and ready for the day. That's fed, dressed, teeth brushed, face washed and hair brushed. That's 2 and a half hours of her arguing, yelling, crying, laying on the floor, whining and complaining to accomplish a few basic tasks and half an hour for her to do them. I had to cancel our appointment for the morning, (a little late, since we'd already missed it by the time I called). Yesterday was a bad day.

Today we were up and out within an hour, had time for Timmies and were early for our swimming lesson. No extra effort required, today is a good day. We were able to stop in at the grocer and Tiger is happily playing independently with her dollies, and she is playing not just sorting and lining them up and changing doll outfits, she is full on pretend playing and it's a beautiful thing. Today my kid is eating a lot of food and using her utensils. Today I was able to finish cleaning out the storage room, sort and clean the linen closets and finish unpacking my sewing and craft boxes and hey I'm even writing a post. She is having such a good day, I'm thinking about attempting taking her to a movie, but I'll probably chicken out. I'm sorry that I didn't have more stuff booked for today.

I'm not saying we haven't managed to tick some boxes off our summer to do list, but I am admitting, I was far too ambitious, given that Tiger prefers to stay home in her pajamas. So for the most part other than swimming and appointments Tiger has been having a lazy summer. Whenever I plan to take her places she declines or has a fit about going in the truck.  She seems perfectly content to hang around our house and park.

A friend posted on line about how there is only 23 days left of summer and I had a little panic attack. I don't know how you feel, but I never, ever, feel like I'm doing enough. Daddybear says I need to relax and accept that Tiger is happy to stay in her PJ's and lounge. That she doesn't have to have a playdate every week, a special outing every weekend etc. Meanwhile I'm looking at my pinterest inspired summer bucket/ to do list feeling like a failure because so much is just not going to happen.

So I'm going to scrap the impossible list and write myself a new one  each week that is much more reasonable.


The High Functioning Life, where the to do list has no end, but we can still derive satisfaction from crossing items off the list.

HFL Mama

Big Doses.

I like my stress in big doses. Ok not really, but, since that's the way the cookie seems to crumble,  that's what I tell myself. .

Right now I feel like I'm riding an emotional cheese grater. My mums health is not good, in fact its bad and it was shocking to see just how little of her is left. My grandmother is in the hospital, she might not go home, she had a bad fall and she's in a lot of pain. Heck I was in pain just looking at her. I don't know if she has enough fight left to get through the physical therapy in order to walk again and go home.

 I had to leave Tiger at home with Daddybear in order to travel down to see mum and grandma, and it's always hard to leave her  with someone else, even her Daddybear & then, I came home sick. I picked something up while visiting at the hospital and I was useless on Monday and Tuesday, I don't feel good today but, I feel better and so we are going to try and get some errands done. Nothing got done while I was away or sick, so you can just imagine my to do list for the next few days.

So I'm feeling a little exhausted, a little sick, a little stressed and a lot sad today.  I'm torn, I want to be here with my girl and there helping my family.  I want everything to be OK, and yet I know its not going to be.

 I'm feeling a little bogged down by it all. So I won't be writing another post till next week when hopefully I'll have something good to share.

Maybe I just need a big dose of caffeine to get me going again.

The High Functioning Life, I'll take that latte now please.

HFL Mama





HFL Mama