I have to tell this in story format or I'll start doing my goose impression and be unable to complete this post. I really failed my Tiger here. I made mistake, after mistake, after mistake and ultimately Tiger paid a heavy price for my inability to surrender or give up on my dreams for her.
Warning this post is very long, you might want a cup of tea and some Kleenex.
I'm scarfing a chocolate bar and drinking a BIG cup of coffee.
Once upon a time there was a little girl diagnosed with high functioning autism.
Luckily she was diagnosed very young and responded wonderfully to therapy.
The little girl made remarkable progress and was deemed ready for school early.
She was doing so well, it was suspected she was gifted.
The little girl had to wait until the following year to start school, but still things were going very well, so well in fact, that the little girl was discharged from most of her therapies and her mama was able to go back to work.
The little girl continued doing wonderfully in her daycare.
She knew her letters, numbers,shapes,colours, could print her name. The little girl was counting, skip counting and even doing a little bit of addition. Her care provider ran a lovely and quiet daycare with only a few children and a great routine. She worked with the little girl on her fine motor skills while the other kids napped, and the little girl continued to improve.
There were obviously still issues, the little one was still a major flight risk. She still had meltdowns and bad days where she wasn't mobile. The little girl struggled with her sensitivities to lights and sounds. Her abilities still varied by day, hour, minute! The little one was still up every single night, but her mama had adjusted (given up on ever sleeping 8 hours ever again). Most importantly, the little girl was happy and healthy and eager to learn new things. She loved doing experiments and exploring new concepts, especially math related.
The parents consulted her specialist and therapists and researched schools and finally decided on a French immersion program, very close to mama's work. The mama had always wanted that for her child and since the girl was so smart and had already completed the kindergarten program in English it was hoped that the immersion program would keep her from getting bored and stagnating.
It was also secretly hoped that she would be the only ASD in her class and or program and thus have less competition for EA hours and supports and also be surrounded by bright "normal" children to emulate.
Even though her parents had done everything they could to prepare both her and the school for her arrival, found after school care within walking distance of the school.
Attending meetings
Sharing treatment and therapy information
Providing documentation
Requesting an EA
Alerting the school to her flight risk, sensitivities and challenges.
Making visits prior to school starting
Providing materials and a proximity alarm system for her and her EA to use etc.
It didn't go well.
Well that's not strictly true, on her orientation days where only half the class was present and the day was short, the little girl did just fine. The first 2 weeks she had an EA check in with her periodically. The school withdrew EA hours since the little girl seemed to fit into the new routine just fine.
Then full class and full day started.
The little girl started having meltdowns about going to school every morning.
When her mommy would pick her up from after school care the little girl would fall apart, screaming and flailing in her carseat until she passed out from exhaustion.
The after school care provider quit, she couldn't handle the little girl.
The little girl walked out of the kinderyard one morning, passed by countless adults and headed down the street. Only the fact that her mama looked back and saw her on the street saved her from being a statistic.
It got worse with meltdowns moving into the classroom. The little girl escaping from her classroom and being found in the gym, the library the school hall and trying to get out the front doors.
Mama went to countless meetings, trying to get more help for her little girl.
She gave her long awaited ABA sessions to the school.
She sent Erin Oaks and Kerry's place to do school assessments.
The school wanted to backtrack to using pecs,
The little girl attacked another child when they took completed items off her pecs board.
She was sent home.
The little girl was changing, the happy, eager little bunny was becoming a miserable and angry kid.
The little girl managed to get into another childs lunch and ate a fruit roll up.
The school called as the resulting manic fit required physical restraints, and the little girl ended up at the hospital due to an extended racing heart beat. (The little girls system couldn't handle the Tartrazine and chemicals in the candy).
The little girl kept catching viruses she was sick every month.
The mama had to go part time so she could take the little girl directly to her class and pick her up from there because the little girl was trying to leave the schoolyard everyday. This seemed to help.
& then it didn't.
The little girl started self injuring.
More meetings, with the school, with the school board, with Kerry's place, with Erin Oaks with her specialist, with a psychologist.
Then one day the mama's boss said something that made the mama stop fighting.
She said " You can't make a square peg fit in a round hole".
The mama pulled the little girl out of school.
In less than 5 months the little girl had gone from happy, healthy and engaged to angry, sick, miserable and uninterested in learning. She was down to 24 lbs. She had lost her tri-grip, her sight words and reading, her stims had become more pronounced and she was self injuring. the specialist said it was a mild regression, but 18 months later we still haven't recovered.
I'll never forgive myself for not seeing the truth of the matter and changing course sooner.
I wanted so badly for Tiger to have and do all the things she would do if she were "normal" that I fought for that dream much harder and longer than if I had just stepped back and accepted that Tigerlily is a diamond and as such she deserves better than to be forced into some cookie cutter mold.
So we sold our house and Tiger moved over to a private school that is just perfect for her.
She's never attempted to leave.
The High Functioning Life, there's no going back, and we can't fix the past but we can always do better.
Lesson Learned
HFL Mama
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