High Functioning Holiday Hell

Don't you just love the holidays?

 I do,  I love snow, eggnog and all the baking! I usually go through about 10 pounds of butter during December. I'm a stress baker, need I say more?

The fact of the matter is, that when I envisioned having children, I dreamed of Happy Christmas Mornings, cute school concerts and caroling around the neighbourhood. I dreamed of Holiday vacations to visit relatives far away, skiing, sledding and skating all day. Drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows and lots of happy noise.

Right now the above are not happening, and that's OK.
Tiger only went to school one day the week leading up to winter break and that's cool too.

The thing about holidays is that they are a break in our routine. I love that break, anticipating, planning, decorating, BAKING. I love the holidays,
It's fun for me,

I don't have autism.

My daughter is completely torn in two over the holidays. This is high functioning hell. She understands the holiday is coming, she anticipates the extra fun stuff we are going to be doing. She loves to decorate and lick the beaters, but as the holidays get closer routines get disrupted and then she can't cope.

Our amazing friends and family come to visit us, because Tiger and long car rides don't mix and we still have problems. 

She's fine they say, don't worry about it, it's ok.
It's ok for them and its ok for me, we can adjust and cope with her behaviours.

What about Tigerlily?

What hell it must be for a child to long for something that comes with so many challenges?

I watch her trying to decide if it will be worth the amount of effort she's going to have to put in & it breaks my heart that she usually decides against trying and it hurts more knowing that I agree with her decision. I'm willing to go, heck I offer up the activities and outings in the first place knowing that its going to be a struggle. I still want to try... as long as she wants to, because
when things go right, her joy is a sight to behold.

The High Functioning Life, sometimes its hell getting to Joyeux Noel.