Armadillo Style

Tiger is 6 years old and sometimes she's a little monster. In public my Tiger works hard to keep it together, so if she starts going off, I take a step back and evaluate. Is this a temper tantrum or a meltdown. Tiger knows from experience that I have no problem correcting her behaviour, (Mama does not appreciate sass).   However, we strive to ensure she is not punished, for things out of her control.

Its not always easy to tell, especially during an "event" what we are dealing with. I'm the first to admit that when my Tigerlily starts going off, I start stressing, which impacts my ability to tell the difference, & if HFL Mama needs a minute, to determine what is actually happening, then the complete stranger who knows nothing of my child's challenges has no idea, and should stay out of it, keeping their unkind words and dirty looks to themselves. I know that I need a thick skin, that I need to ignore the ignorant and keep my cool as a good example for Tigerlily, but under the thick skin, I can get a little heated.

One thing to remember, with a high functioning child, is that they can be acting perfectly normal, and then BAM!. There are usually signs before a full meltdown, but..... If she gets hurt, or suffers an adrenal response, she may meltdown without warning. One time we walked into a sub shop, there was a big mural on the wall, Tiger saw it, threw herself backwards, smacked her head and a full meltdown ensued.

The giant mural brought on a rush of adrenaline, that put her into fight or flight, causing an involuntary physical reaction, causing injury, causing a meltdown.
& at the time I had no idea, it happens so fast sometimes. It was only after the event that I was able to figure out exactly what had happened. Sometimes I miss the warning signs and sometimes its a temper tantrum that I've mistaken for a meltdown. I get it wrong sometimes, but I would rather let a tantrum pass without consequence than give her negative consequences she doesn't deserve. Its not a perfect science my friends, I'm just a mom doing her best to be fair.

Do you think the other patrons were fair? I doubt they had any idea why she was screaming,  but they gave us hairy eyeballs anyways. The whole incident was only minutes long, but more than a year later, I remember the looks and the muttering and it makes me hot under the collar.

Another time, we went into a restaurant and sat down, within a minute Tiger had started stimming, I asked her what was wrong and she grabbed her nose. The smell from the kitchen was too strong and causing her discomfort. She loudly stated that it was stinky, and we got up and left, the waitress gave me a look, which annoyed me, but I'm Canadian eh, so I apologized, but when Tiger apologized to me, I told her that she had nothing to be sorry for, and that she had done the right thing by letting me know she was having difficulty before she lost control. Then I felt bad for apologizing to the server in front of her and the descent into feelings of inadequacy and guilt began.

With years of these small incidents, looks, unkind words behind me I should be able to shrug it off by now, but sometimes it gets me anyways and I want to just curl up in a ball armour out, armadillo style.


The High Functioning Life, thick skin is in this season.
HFL Mama

I Need A Late Slip

I hate being late. Being late to work, school or an event always makes me feel bad. Why can't I get it together, why didn't I give myself more time, how do I program alerts and or use the calendar on this crazy super iPhone? Why does Tiger always have issues on our way out the door?

I like to think that I've got things under control, but if punctuality is any indicator,....
 I don't. Tiger has been back in school for 9 days now and we've been late 5 of them, once dramatically (40 minutes is a bit much). Sometimes, I swear the universe is against me. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I can pack lunches the night before, have everything by the door and get up 3 hrs before we need to leave  making sure that I am completely ready to go before waking my wee beastie up and that will be the day the dog starts puking all over the place or Tiger has an hour long melt down over socks, or there will be a truck parked in front of my driveway, with no driver to be found!, yes that actually happened, I drove over the lawn to get out (I love my truck).

 So as much as I hate to be late, I recognize that not everything is within my power to control. However, if that sneaky black cat gets out the back door, one more time, he'll just have to stay out.



The High Functioning Life, please don't be offended when we are late.

HFL Mama.

This Is Not A Eulogy

I'm sorry, I haven't posted in a few weeks and having read the title of this post I'm sure you can guess why.

This post is not about dealing with the death of a loved one or how to tell an HFA child about the death of their Great Grandmama. That decision has been put on hold until the subject becomes unavoidable. Childhood is the kingdom where no one dies, and all that. This post is also not a eulogy for my Grandmother. Instead, I'd like to write about why I named my daughter after my aunt and grandmother.

First my Aunty Lily, who took me in as a very damaged girl and showed me what it was to love oneself. I found her fascinating, she was bold and energetic and lovely. To list all of her accomplishments would make this post far too long so instead I will tell you that my daughter is named after her because she was unafraid to live in a way that I had never seen before. She enjoyed life in a way that I will always envy. She was everything I wanted to be and am trying to become. If my Tigerlily turns out to be half the woman she was, that will mean she is truly living.

Secondly, my daughter bears my grandmothers name as a testament to her. My Grandmama was the matriarch. She was beautiful and had her own sense of style. Madame Bijou (jewellery lady) she enjoyed the finer things in life unashamedly. She loved a party and made undrinkable margaritas. She also loved her family with such fierce devotion that my father referred to her as the Dragon Lady forever,after he divorced my mother. She was unique,  and confident of her place in the world. I wish my daughter to be just as sure of herself and her place in the world that she too will feel free to be known to all as the person she really is and to love others for who they really are faults and all.

The High Functioning Life, this is not a eulogy, it's a hope and a prayer.

HFL Mama