Battle Story #4 Potty Wars

Let me tell you, right now, this battle was not won alone.
This particular challenge was accepted by me, her daddy, the daycare provider, the ABA team and finally her specialist. This took years, a lot of sweat and tears,( on my part, mostly due to frustration).

The kicker was Tiger could use the potty early on.  She would demonstrate all the steps with her dolly or act them out herself, but when it came time to actually go, Tigerlily would withhold.
Tiger has an inhuman ability to hold it in.  From the time she was just weeks old, she could and did hold her bladder. Whenever I went to pick her up from her rest, she was dry, she would pee on the way to the change table. Totally awesome right!
Do a number two, GROSS ALERT, Tiger would wait until she went BOOM! Every four or five days as an infant, she would explode. I started just cutting off the onesies.

Wet the bed at night, Not my girl, to this day Tiger has only wet the bed once and only because she was so completely exhausted, she slept 12 hours IN A ROW!!! Coincidently this was during the specialist training session.

First off potty training was initiated by Tiger, not us. Once she indicated wanting to use a potty, we went for it. At first it looked like everything was going to be super easy and then she did a 180 and refused. She was young, so we let it go. A few months later she started again, this time I jumped on the chart wagon, again she pulled away and refused.
Next time around it was the song and dance, she was having none of it.
Then rewards, what a mistake that was. She upped the ante right away. Not going to go for less than a full sheet of stickers, a new toy, 10 marshmallows not one etc. The kid likes to negotiate.

With ABA we took the diapers away and went to pull ups with sensation technology and a schedule. She really liked the pull ups that looked like underwear, but she would not go on the potty and started hiding, when she needed to go. This was a conscious decision on her part. She did not like the toilet. We tried scheduling the potty, taking her there as soon as she woke up, before every meal and after, before we went outside etc.  She would go at daycare with the other kids but not at home.
At home she would hold it, until she had an accident.

At this point we were frustrated. It was confirmed by the pros that Tiger fully understood, knew when and how to use the toilet, but was refusing. The next time we saw the specialist we lamented our inability to potty train, the failure with various techniques etc.

She said, if rewards and positive reinforcement were not doing the trick we needed to motivate her another way, take things away she said.

So we punishment potty trained.  Yup you read that right, but before you get your knickers in a twist, please revisit the facts.
Tiger was aware of when she needed to use the washroom.
She could use the toilet unassisted
She would use the washroom on her terms sporadically &
This was 2 years in and every effort had been made by us and others to gain cooperation without using negative consequences.

We kept up the ABA potty schedule, giving Tiger lots of opportunities and reminding her to go etc. We talked about what was happening, and what was expected, for a few days ahead of time. I let her pick out some cute big girl underwear. Then we took away the pull ups and waited. The first time she wet herself, we were outside. I informed her that we now had to go inside, I threw out her underwear and pants she was wearing and gave her a wash down, and told her that because she had chosen to wet herself instead of using the potty we were staying indoors for the rest of the day. To say she was displeased is an understatement. When she hid and messed in the playroom, I shut the doors for the day telling her she couldn't go back in, until it was cleaned, again I threw away the dirty clothes in front of her. When she peed in the kitchen, same deal. I dressed her in her preferred outfits and when she messed them, I tossed them. After a few days she started to use the potty. She would still hold it as long as possible, but we were getting somewhere. In 10 days she was good to go, because it wasn't worth losing her playtime, outfits etc.  It wasn't fun, there was lots of screaming and tantrums over not being allowed out, losing her clothes & the things she got mess on etc. We had to stay home the 10 days.
But it worked.... mostly. You see she still doesn't like to use the toilet and will hold her bladder and bowels much longer than I can. She still always insists, she doesn't need to go, but she is potty trained.

I will always be conflicted about this win, for it was a pretty tough stance we took. I wouldn't have gone this way, if it wasn't suggested and I don't recommend it. I feel like this cost us too much and maybe I should have just waited it out, maybe she would have done it on her own eventually.... or maybe we'd still be in pull ups now.


The High Functioning Life, where sometimes, winning feels like losing.


HFL Mama