Random Apologies

It has been brought to my attention that all the pretty pics and funny memes that I've posted have gone bye bye.

I dunno folks, technology is not my thang.

So I'm sorry if you can't see them, they were good eh!

Maybe one of my more tech savvy friends will fix it ?

Anyone wanna help HFL Mama out?

Hello.....


(insert sounds of crickets)


Sorry, I'm more popular in France than here in Canada.

Désolé mes amis, j'essaie ... un peu

The High Functioning Life, being lived all over the world.

Green Eyed Monster

Tigerlily has inherited my green eyes, both physically and emotionally.

I'll say it, I get jealous ... a lot and over a lot of things. Thick eyebrows, sleeping in, time for anything lol.

Daddybear finds it hilarious when I scowl at waitresses for being too flirty with him, he swears its in my head, but I know what I have with him is precious and like a dragon, I'm guarding my treasure of a man.
(He's going to laugh when he reads that line, but it doesn't make it any less true).

Yes I'm a green eyed monster.


So if you follow this blog you may remember my finally giving in and opening a home daycare in order to make some money. Not making much over here, I tend to spend it as fast as I make it eh.
Well daycare means, little monsters in my house who all need my attention and  Tiger is not pleased with this.

One of the munchkins has taken to calling me MamaMissa and this moniker makes Tigerlily furious.

"She's not your Mama, She's my Mama!"
"I want my Mama!"

Yes Tigerlily is a green eyed monster, it doesn't matter how little they are, she does not like sharing.
Only child syndrome maybe,  just a little more extreme.  She latches on to me and refuses to let go whenever she hears another kid call me Mama.

Daycare may have been a mistake, as the littles make her furious in the mornings.
Every kid cries when they get dropped at daycare, & she hates the noise.
However when she gets off the bus, she loves to help change nappies and play outside with them.
I just can't carry or cuddle any of the wee beasties in front of her or watch out!

She really is ferocious in her ownership of me! She has been laying on the love like you wouldn't believe. It's been a few months now and she won't let up.
I'm hoping she'll be better about my carrying the 10 month old around or maybe she'll relent when she is home for the summer.

I guess we will see.

Only six weeks until our Canada Day 150 Party! and then its summer holidays.


The High Functioning Life, be jealous of me, I've got a Tigerlily who loves me.

Battle Story #5 The Infamous Car Ride

I've been writing some negative stuff lately and just thought I'd share another win with my High Functioning Lifers.

Tigerlily used to make every car trip, a highway to hell. The moment she was put in the car seat she would start screaming. By the time we started daycare, I absolutely dreaded getting in the car with her.

 I'm not exaggerating here folks, Tigers scream is ear splitting, Her screams are so intense that I once had a friend actually apologize, for every judgemental thought they had ever had about my parenting and coping skills. I mean unless you are subjected to it, its pretty hard to fathom just how much pain my kids shrieking can generate. They admitted that they had no idea how bad it was... until they had to deal with it, that they had never heard anything like it, and that I am way more patient than one might suppose, based off my FB b*tching. (Yes, I've always b*tched  online eh!)

Now I admit, I don't like to drive, I find it stressful and I'm not particularly good at it. Now add a screaming demon to the mix and you can see why I would avoid any unnecessary trips with Tiger. The kicker is I lived in the country and it was 20min to an hour to get anywhere and I had to drive everywhere back then. It just plain sucked. It got so bad that I would have to stop and get out of the car so I wouldn't lose my mind.

I just couldn't figure out what her problem was. I tried playing music, singing rythmes, telling stories, giving her toys, snacks, treats, a mirror, fidgets, a new car seat, another new car seat, windows down, windows up a combo , heat up, air conditioning on, sun visors, shades for her, a blanket, a stuffy, a binky everything and anything to get her to stop screaming in the car.

Finally I tried a new vehicle, I put her car seat in the middle of the back seat of a great big truck.

Guess what, she stopped screaming, mostly. I still needed to keep the car cold, and the music off BUT the screaming was seriously curbed. I didn't have to pull over anymore. My theory is that once she could reconcile the sensation of moving with being able to see us moving through the windshield the sensation was less disconcerting or easier to reconcile within her own mind.

Now I don't want to overstate this win. Car rides with Tiger still suck the life out of me. Instead of screaming now she b*tches at me ( wonder where she gets that from ?). She still has a low threshold for car time but we can go about an hour without her meltingdown, which gets us to most places we need to be.


The High Functioning Life, driving with earplugs in is not recommended.


HFL Mama.

Oh No, I Don't Think So.

First term at school ended and the long awaited report card appeared.

Maybe you remember how I talked about the transition to the new school having gone better than expected, or how Tiger was gaining weight etc. Suffice to say, from my end I thought things were going swimmingly.

We have a communication book that goes back and forth daily, and I've only received the expected messages, Tiger got hurt in gym, exited music for the hub, had a confrontation and so on and so forth.

She hasn't been sent home with any homework, other than her reading and spelling.
My IEP goals  are focused on increasing her safety, social skills, motor skills and improve her reading. She's seeing the OT, using the hub, she's been happy. I wasn't really concerned with her academics as she had already completed grade 1 at the private school.

So imagine my surprise when her report card came and discovered that she was failing.

Yeah! Tigerlily the kid with the above average IQ is flunking her second run at grade one.

Now this shouldn't have come as quite the surprise it did. There were calls about her refusing to print, thus the OT. & she refused to participate in music and gym. I just didn't realize and wasn't told that she was refusing to do ANY of the work.

Again at home, I was reading with her everyday, and she was taking a pile of books to bed with her every night. We practiced her spelling she was showing obvious improvements.... to me, but above all she was happier. She had started typing in her objectives on the computer search engines. She learned to play computer games using the keyboard and mouse and was really good at it switching seamlessly between the two.

Now I know the Tiger can be a handful, willful, difficult etc. I know she likes to try and manipulate you into giving her the answer and spends more time fighting about completing a task that it takes to actually do the work but come on, give me a bleeping break. Let's just say I was a wee bit miffed by this having gotten so far without my knowing about it.

Now I'm not blaming the school.... entirely. Tiger made some choices here.

So step one was to lay down the law on Tigerlily. Yeah those electronics went bye bye.
Out came our flash cards, workbooks, and homeschool curriculum.
Talks about honesty, effort, manipulation and choices were held.
Daddybear even had a heart to heart  about "gettin er dun" & his expectations of her both at school and home. ( He almost never criticizes her so this was a big deal )

Step 2 was for me to get in touch with the school,  and ask them to kindly explain themselves, book more meetings and conference calls and basically call them out on letting Tiger get away with such obvious bullsh*t.

They of course said that they had to grade her based on the work she was, or in Tigers case wasn't producing and insisted that she was performing at JK-K level.

I sent them examples of Tigerlily's work from last year.
Reopened her IEP and added private assessments out of classroom in quiet space one on one and asked that a copy of every test be sent home.

& Guess what?

Last week she scored 42/42 on her science test.
They had her at a level B for reading...... we are now at level E in just 3 weeks.
Just by following the accommodations laid out in our IEP.

Surprise the HFA/ ADHD girl can do the work, if, you provide her with an environment she can cope with.


The High Functioning Life, if our kids our failing, it's because the system is failing them.


HFL Mama

Backsliding Into Baking

Well it happened again. It seems that early in the year, every year, my Tiger gets seriously ill.
Not  just a cold kind of ill, I mean weight loss, unconsciousness and this year a racing heartbeat off to the emergency department we go, kind of ill.

 Last year it was almost a month before they figured out it wasn't a virus but a lymph node infection.
The year before that, it was bronchial pneumonia. This year it was, a new super virus. I know this, because it took four people to hold my Tiger down for a blood draw  and 2 people, to hold her for the chest Xrays and we never did manage to get her to pee in the cup. The kid can withhold for days. Eventually her fever broke and her heart rate slowed and we were home around  4 am.

Anyways, this years illness came with a sore throat, which meant Tigerlily wouldn't eat.
If you ever say "They'll eat when they're hungry" I'll tell ya to " Kiss my sashimi."
but that's an argument for another day.

So that happy dance I was doing over Tiger having broken the  40 pound barrier is over.
She was really sick for four days and lost 4 lbs. I tried everything last week to get her to eat but it was crushed ice and icy water only with the occasional popsicle to pacify Daddy. Now her stomach has shrunk down to nothing and she hates the feeling of being full so its BAKING TIME! Cookies and cakes, muffins and breads,  as many calories as I can get into the girl before she has to return to school after our March break.

As you all know the other reason I bake is to relieve stress.
I admit it I'm a stress baker and stress eater, so those pounds I lost running back and forth between daycare munchkins and Tiger all week well  I don't think they'll stay gone long.

Oh yeah, I may have failed to mention that I opened a home daycare as my solution to not being able to find employment that wouldn't mess with Tigerlily care. (shhhhh I know, I know, quit with the I told you so, I admit it,  you were right).
Yes my new job is to play with kids all day and its lots of fun. After Tigerlily the neurotypicals are so easy. Seriously, I love the munchkins, I'm just not making any money, because I turn around and spend it on stuff for the rugrats, right now I've got my eye on a sweet wagon to get them home from the park in. Too bad I spent $650 on an emergency vet visit on Monday night.
Yeah its been a long week.

I think I'll go bake something for the rugrats.


The High Functioning Life, it's more like 2 steps forward and 10 steps back.


HFL Mama

No Need For An Iron Supplement.

Like most people I know what ADHD stands for, but when they added-CT to the diagnosis I was at a loss. (Remember I received our diagnostic letter in the mail, eh.) So what is actually stands for is combined type.

Did you know there was more than one type of ADHD?

Well I didn't and so I'm breaking it down in my attempts to understand my Tigerlily.

Type 1. Inattentive

These are the daydreamers.
They forget to listen, don't pay enough attention.
They have trouble following or understanding directions.
Misplace or lose necessary items.
Avoid difficult tasks.
Make careless mistakes
etc etc.

Type 2. Hyperactive Impulsive

These are the non stop, gogogo peeps.
They fidget and squirm.
Are in constant motion, get up all the time even when sitting is expected.
They are too loud, talk to much, and interrupt.
They run and climb and jump across the couch randomly.
Playing quietly takes a lot of effort.
Controlling impulses is really really hard.


Type 3. The Combined Type

The unpredictable type.
Sometimes we are type 1, sometimes we are type 2.
It's a mystery to all
Just what we are going to do!




After a lot of reading this is what it boils down to in relation to Tigerlily; there is no telling how she will behave or what she will do. Except her ASD requires routine. I can't imagine how conflicted the Tiger must be within her own mind. I seriously hope that someday she will be able to explain how she deals to me, because given her dual diagnosis she must have an iron will to have come so far.

Ok I need a coffee now as frankly I just find all the contradictions tiring.

The High Functioning Life, what will we do next?

HFL Mama

A Male Mind

 

 

Hardcore research mode has led me to an interesting idea. Now once again people this is just for entertainment purposes and I'm not any kind of authority on anything so don't take my word for it.

 

So I'm hunting for information on ASD and ADHD-CT in girls and not having much luck on getting any kind of stats and I'm scrolling through my google finds when this EMB theory comes up and it mentions PCOS as a potential cause for autism/ ADHD?

 

Hold up, I have PCOS, (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), but I thought the mysterious "they" had determined that autism genetic code was passed down from the father? I thought I was off the hook for this.  Well anyways EMB turned out to stand for extreme male brain caused by an overabundance of testosterone in the womb?

Ok my hormone levels are whacky that could've happened.

 

Yup so we all know male and female brains are different, Mars vs Venus etc. What I took from what I was reading is that Simon Baron-Cohen theorizes that male brains are better at systemizing, finding patterns, mathematics etc while female brains are better at empathizing recognizing social and emotional changes, cues and causes. Most brains can do both men leaning more to the S systemizing type and women lean more to the female E empathizing type etc. but when you get to the extreme S type you lose the E type skills and that this explains autism and ADHD diagnoses being attached to boys over girls statistically speaking.

 

 ( disclaimer again do your own research, I was reading this http://personal.lse.ac.uk/kanazawa/pdfs/JTB2005a.pdf )

 

Anyways this got me to thinking about double standards of behavior for boys and girls and how much my Tigerlily stands alone as having both predominately male disorders. & I remembered that when Tiger was starting school etc how I told her educators to think of her as a little boy. To try to school their responses and reprimands by always thinking if a little boy did this, would I say anything?

 

I'm very annoyed by gender stereotyping, I want equality for my daughter in all things and I do my best to ensure that she understands that men and women are equal. So this new diagnosis has brought this up again for me and with the Womens' March and the United State Of Women campaign and all the conversations Tiger and I have been having about equality between the sexes, equal rights etc.

 I just thought the concept of her having an extreme male brain in a female body was interesting. I wonder if this extreme male brain would affect her sexuality? Will she go into a predominately male field of work as an adult etc.

 

Again just interesting to me and thought I'd share it.

 

The High Functioning Life , another day means another theory.

 

 

HFL Mama

Hardcore Mode

I live in Canada so like it or not weather has an  impact on my life. On January 4th 2017, the weather caused lots of road closures, it was basically a blizzard so we missed our specialist appointment. I did actually try to go,  but chickened out when I reached the highway and couldn't see the intersection lights.

So calls were made and eventually our specialist called us back. She was having a rough day being the only person who made it into her office. Anyways there are laws about disclosing medical information and she was unable to give the results of our latest evaluation on the phone, or schedule another appointment within the next 5 months (sigh*), so the decision was made to mail our results to us.

Three weeks later I'm holding a medical report that states not only does my Tiger have ASD, she's also ADHD-CT. ( CT stands for combined type and I'll write a post on my interpretation of that confusion later.)
 Awesome meme!

In all honesty this wasn't a surprise to me. In fact after my initial pity party where I allow myself to whine, b*tch and moan about the unfairness of it all. I'll admit that it doesn't really impact anything in a bad way. As Daddybear says" she's still our Tigerlily, she hasn't changed".

So we've doubled up on our diagnoses and we have more information to work with and another report  to slide across the table when some unfortunate administrator starts waiving red tape in my direction. What I need to do now, is further educate myself on ADHD-CT, dual diagnosis, next steps etc.
So far the recommendations  are eerily similar to what came with her ASD with the exception of medication being suggested.

M...m....mmm...medication?!?! That is just ...... Ok I'm about to launch into a whole debate lets also leave that for another post but I will say Daddybear has strong opinions on this.

So far now that's all I've got to say, I'm going to switch over to hardcore research mode and read a whole lot more on the subjects that have been raised by this new diagnosis.

The High Functioning Life, Hardcore is an accurate description some days.

HFL Mama

High Functioning Holiday Hell

Don't you just love the holidays?

 I do,  I love snow, eggnog and all the baking! I usually go through about 10 pounds of butter during December. I'm a stress baker, need I say more?

The fact of the matter is, that when I envisioned having children, I dreamed of Happy Christmas Mornings, cute school concerts and caroling around the neighbourhood. I dreamed of Holiday vacations to visit relatives far away, skiing, sledding and skating all day. Drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows and lots of happy noise.

Right now the above are not happening, and that's OK.
Tiger only went to school one day the week leading up to winter break and that's cool too.

The thing about holidays is that they are a break in our routine. I love that break, anticipating, planning, decorating, BAKING. I love the holidays,
It's fun for me,

I don't have autism.

My daughter is completely torn in two over the holidays. This is high functioning hell. She understands the holiday is coming, she anticipates the extra fun stuff we are going to be doing. She loves to decorate and lick the beaters, but as the holidays get closer routines get disrupted and then she can't cope.

Our amazing friends and family come to visit us, because Tiger and long car rides don't mix and we still have problems. 

She's fine they say, don't worry about it, it's ok.
It's ok for them and its ok for me, we can adjust and cope with her behaviours.

What about Tigerlily?

What hell it must be for a child to long for something that comes with so many challenges?

I watch her trying to decide if it will be worth the amount of effort she's going to have to put in & it breaks my heart that she usually decides against trying and it hurts more knowing that I agree with her decision. I'm willing to go, heck I offer up the activities and outings in the first place knowing that its going to be a struggle. I still want to try... as long as she wants to, because
when things go right, her joy is a sight to behold.

The High Functioning Life, sometimes its hell getting to Joyeux Noel.

My Patronus Is A Beaver

Guess what I've been watching!
If you can't just go now cuz I'm not explaining my HP references today.

Anyways for my fellow HP fans I was up very late last night and somewhere around  4 am I decided that I absolutely love the idea of having a spirit animal, Patronus.

I then started assigning different animals to different people and they weren't as obvious as you might suppose.

For example I think Daddybear would actually have an Orca as his spirit animal.
I think Tigerlily would have a skunk and I think a beaver would be fitting for me.

OK obviously I've had no sleep and this is a weird post but I just thought I'd put it out there.

I think I have the spirit of a beaver. I'm very industrious, I like to be productive in a tangible way. I tend to alter the environment around me to suit my families needs etc. Anyways a quick google found this and I want one.

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi21d6fvoDRAhUG2oMKHZZnAxEQjhwIBQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.redbubble.com%2Fpeople%2Fjerosmith0819%2Fworks%2F12633447-my-patronus-is-a-beaver%3Fp%3Dthrow-pillow&psig=AFQjCNFe47tIHoZ0DOm7HlcZGoh9SxwP4g&ust=1482244752932659

Maybe I should sleep while Tiger is in school, I'm devoting too much thought to this idea.
& I'm not sure I should really use a rodent as a reflection of myself , but it is very Canadian of me eh!



The High Functioning Life, where 4am's bright ideas sound a little silly after I've had a coffee.

HFL Mama

Weighing Success

I love it when a plan comes together.

Now we've switched to a new school, we have an IEP, we have an EA and now we are getting OT and possibly PT at school as well. We are still doing ABA both funded and private and we are making progress again. It amazes me how strong my little girl is. Switching schools can be traumatic for any kid, but Tiger has coped far better than I dared to dream.

I'll be honest I didn't expect this to go so well. Sure her sleep was messed up for a few weeks before and after the switch, but she did sleep. Sure we had some meltdowns, but not as many or as severe as I had feared. Now who do I credit with this smooth transition?

Why me of course.  Just kidding... no not really kidding. I'm an awesome mama eh. I'm a badass when it comes to my kid .  I put a lot of hard work into this transition. There were dozen of  calls and meetings going on, actually they are still happening but you want to know how I know I've done a good job?

Tiger is gaining weight.

She is on track to break 40 lbs this year, & that is just huge folks.

Any of you out there with feeding issues will understand why writing that sentence, brings on the goose impression.

Honk sniff*

Ok so it's not all me, I have to say this new board, principal, teacher, EA , bus driver and aide have all done there absolute best to make this transition as easy for Tiger as possible.  They've also spent hours on calls and meetings and visits, assessments etc. I was very hesitant to trust the public system again after how badly our first foray went, but this is going OK. and I'm even considering starting a new adventure of my own, just weighing my options right now.

So I'm in happy mode today and wanted to share, have a great day, I'm going to go bake a non stress cake.


The High Functioning Life, where we can physically weigh our success! 39.6 pounds worth to be exact.

HFL Mama


Update: at the end of January 2017 we are now officially 40.6 lbs!
Do a little dance, bake another batch, get on the scale woo!

It's Not You, It's Me.

It's not you..... it's me. I've changed.

After years on the ASD train, I am completely immersed in a different type of life, and it has changed me.

I think I'm a better person.
I'm more patient... because I have to be.
I'm more open and honest about difficulties and challenges ..... because I have to be.
I've shed the majority of my materialism, envy and false pride because, priorities, people.

For the most part I don't care about what other people think of me anymore. Don't like my bagged out, no makeup, yoga pants wearing style ... bite me, cuz I spend my cash on my kids ABA eh. My hair is  always in a messy bun. That ombre style, yeah I'm rocking it, cuz I can't keep the colour up.  I'm not so vain anymore.

I'm wiser,
I've learned a ton of stuff about special education, autism, early child development, therapies etc.
I'm more forgiving. I can let sh*t go, because really who cares, who said what,
 when I'm negotiating a new IEP, following up with CCAC, CRA and PEER Evaluations.

 I work with a whole team of people and keep up communications between different agencies to ensure that everyone is working on the same page.

I am organized, I have contact lists, records and files ready at my fingertips should they be needed.
The bag I take to meetings weighs a ton, but I never have to get back to you with information.
Just a minute I have it right here!

I'm a machete to red tape.
I can negotiate.
I'm pushy and persistent, yes I will follow up with you, don't doubt it.
No I won't reschedule, I'm sorry (cuz I'm Canadian) but you'll need to push something else on your calendar, I've already made arrangements to be there.

I am an autism mom and I'm a badass.The board sent a rep to cover their asses at every meeting for the new school, I like the new school, they don't dick around.

So if you find me aggressive, if my candor makes you uncomfortable don't worry..

It's not you, it's me and I like me.

Who do you like?


The High Functioning Life, where we don't get to be typical, we get to be warriors!

HFL Mama.

Hurdles

And here we go again.
It seems that no matter how hard we try, what sacrifices we make etc., that something else always happens to us. I swear if it wasn't for bad luck, or maybe hubby and I just used up all our good luck finding each other.  For whatever reason,  our life mantra is turning into: If it can go wrong, it will.

Thankfully I'm a Canadian so this is all really first world complaints.

It's actually pretty funny, I mean, I may be tempting fate here, but really its kind of ridiculous the way every single time hubby and I start to get ahead another bomb drops, I mean what else can happen.

Our Mortgage was processed incorrectly and so our payment is going up by 25%
Tuition went up this year.
Remember the job that told me they would hire me back in the fall... guess what, they meant only if I no longer required an accommodation . Sure yeah Tigers ASD was cured over the summer all she needed was vitamin D hahahaha.
That great job offer I had that was supposed to start this week, yeah they ran into roadblocks and I'm out of luck.

We had to take Tiger out of her private school, and my heart is broken. I loved our little school.
Tiger loved her little school and she was doing so well there.
At first I hoped this was only going to be a temporary thing, but it doesn't look like it will be.

Now for the good news.

We found a new school.

Actually I didn't have to jump too many hurdles for this to happen.

I visited our local school, met the principal and special education lead and it quickly became apparent that Tiger would not be going there. The yard is unfenced, ummmmm no.
The principal started in immediately with budget constraints and staffing issues.
& its this really cool open concept layout with pods and big open spaces. Totally neat but super loud and there is like 70 kids in a pod with 3 teachers and a couple EA's, not exactly a sensory friendly environment and they don't have a sensory friendly class nor were they interested in creating one.

Anyways the principal made it plain I would have to go through the board if we needed anything extra. Like EA hours , supervision at recess etc. I am so demanding ya know, I expect a known flight risk to have supervision, like what, its there job to watch over my child while she's in school.

So I called the new board. (remember we sold our house and moved to fund private school and therapy.... so a new board that doesn't know me heehee) and I reminded them that Tiger had the right to receive an education without being put at risk or harmed in the process. I also told them that I was totally uninterested in anything they had to say about budgets, given how many sacrifices we've  made. I told them about Tigers first foray into school and just how badly that went. I explained her diagnosis and her needs and asked them to find me a school that was able to meet my girls needs without making her suffer before providing supports.

& They delivered!

Tiger is going to a small school a couple villages over. She is being picked up and dropped off at our house. She is met by an EA who helps her transition into class. There is support all day in her class and she has access to a beautiful developmental learning suite and a quiet room called the lounge. There is fencing, it's all on one floor. They followed my lead regarding which grade to put her in and they are working with me on an IEP getting her Physio ad OT at school and they have another HFA girl in Tigers class!! She's not alone, she's got a therapy partner!

The fly in the ointment..... the school is on the chopping block for next year.

But that's a hurdle for a later date.

Interesting fact about me, I ran hurdles in highschool.

I'm five foot one in my shoes, but I did it!



The High Functioning Life, what's one more hurdle...

HFL Mama

The Trick To Halloween

I'm just kidding, there is no trick, just grin and bear it.

We had some issues with trick or treating, nothing major. The first few houses were our neighbours whom she somewhat knows so those went well, but as we continued up the street. My baby zombie lost her words.
(yes she changed out of the princess costume and decided to be a zombie like me)
She started gesturing instead of speaking, which some people found a little offensive, myself included, I'm sorry, but she can talk, and should, there will be no rewards for backsliding in behaviour.
 We took a break to discuss the Halloween protocol, but she was clearly not taking it in. I had to remind her to use her words at every single house, both to say, "Trick or Treat" & to say, "Thank-you" and or "Happy Halloween".  She said them out of order, she said it backwards but she tried and that is what matters.
 She only went out for half an hour before she wanted to quit. She fell twice, losing her balance because she was swivelling her head all around looking at everything.  She complimented the other kids on their cool costumes and loved the dogs that were dressed up. She was having a great, but difficult time.
 There were lots of  people out, its the first year that we've tricked or treated with no snow, sleet or freezing rain!  I was all set for a long haul but she was exhausted after the second street. I ended up piggy backing her home, which she thought was fabulous until I told her I needed to put her down to readjust my hold on her and the bag. Before I could get down she just went limp and let go crashing to the sidewalk below. She screamed, she cried, she screamed some more, we could see our house so I picked her up, dusted her off and was grateful for being so short. We made it home and she sat with me to hand out candy on the porch for a bit, but it was bedtime so I sent her in to Daddybear.

Oh Boy!! Bad Candy!! Bad, Bad, Candy!! Tigerlily has an issue with this evil chemical called Tartrazine, and that crap is in almost all the coloured candy stuff. There's a reason they have to label that sh*te for you people, its a warning. Anyways occasionally we look the other way and let her have the bad candy, Halloween being one of those times. Poor kiddo convinced her Daddybear to let her have some candy before bed. ( I would have let her have chips not candy, but I was still handing out candy outside when this went down).  Poor kiddo, heart racing, sweating and pale, she can't sleep, she's too hot, she can't be still etc. Bad Candy.

So Halloween is over, and I've eaten my share of sugary junk and Tiger is hounding me endlessly for another piece of candy.  I figure if I eat two for her every one, we will get though this faster.
I may also blame the dog for the sudden disappearance of the rest of her candy. There is only so much manic munchkin I can handle.

The High Functioning Life, where every piece of candy is tricky.



Side Note: Tiger had an absolute blast playing in the Halloween makeup. She did her own and added more to mine we looked quite gruesome.

For The Love Of Princesses

Well tomorrow is Halloween, and the Tigerlily is pulling tricks.

I am forever trying to be organized and prepared, so I asked Tiger to choose a costume at the beginning of the month. She couldn't decide between a Queen or a Princess so I brought her with me to the store and let her choose a costume. The one she chose would work either way so I was feeling pretty proud of myself.

Of course whenever I think I've got my sh*t together .... sh*t happens.

During my our annual pumpkin carving party with our best buddies, my awesome little goddaughter ended up dressing up for a different Halloween party, she was going to, in front of Tiger.
She went as a devil and she looked scary all  redskin and black wings etc..... it was very well done.

Now Tiger is sitting on the couch in a punk vampire costume because she wants to be scary too!

Tomorrow morning is going to be hellish. It's already 8:30 and she hasn't had a bath yet and she  really needs one. She is royally wound up about wearing a costume to school. I am half way tempted to just keep her home and save myself the horror show when she has a meltdown over choosing which costume, whether or not she can handle the makeup, necklace, her hair etc.

I'm going to get up at 5:30am and get myself and her bag totally ready before I attempt to wake her up. If she would just stick to the princess plan life would be much easier. Princess doesn't require makeup and the tiara is optional and its a really pretty costume etc. Hopefully she will change her mind back in the morning as I really prefer the royal costumes.

Here is one from a couple years ago. People actually thought this was a creepy doll I bought but I assure you its just Tiger looking away from the camera.
 The wigs only stay on for photos eh.

And another year...


The High Functioning Life, why for the love of princesses, do I bother trying to plan ahead?


HFL Mama

The Waiting Game

In this world of instant gratification, patience is a virtue, I do not possess in quantity.
I have no patience for red tape and procedure. I want things to get done,  now or as Daddybear says, "I want what I want, when I want it."

Right now I am waiting on a number of things.
The doc to do the T2201.
The results of my tax audit.
The results from our latest evaluation
For parent teacher interviews and the list goes on.

The buzzer on the dryer can go anytime now, I want my fuzzy sweater.

While I'm waiting on  my sweater, a thought dawned on me, that waiting for Tigerlily to be diagnosed was awful. Waiting for this latest assessment result is awful. Maybe its just me but I can't stand all these wait times.

Wait to come up for services, wait for reimbursement, wait for the damn light to turn green, wait for the paint to dry so I can put on a fresh coat, wait for Tigers bus and it goes on and on.

I'm thinking I need to turn this into some sort of game, so I can replace my frustration with amusement.

Maybe make bets with Ian as to how long each thing will take.
Loser makes the winner dinner of their choice or something.

Ok the buzzer went, talk to you later.


The High Functioning Life, "that's alright you take your time, I'll just have a coffee while I wait."

Growing Pains Part 2

I haven't written, since Tigers last assessment. The why being that I sometimes I just can't deal with it all. So I bury my head in the oven and bake until I've wrapped my head around it.

You know Tiger had an assessment recently, and you know if you read part one that it sucked. I am so glad my hubs was there to drive us after the circus act. I was doing a really good hamster wheel impression. I still am. My mind just keeps replaying the clip of my Tigerlily rocking her head and jumping and flapping and all the other behaviours that really autistic kids make.

Yeah I said that.

Tiger is a brilliant kid. I love her and maybe that love makes me a  bit blind to the truth of her disability.  I know that she is hiding her difficulties. I taught her how.  She has learned how to observe and copy other kids when doing a new task. She has learned to self advocate and tell the person in charge when she is having a problem, or when she doesn't want to do something and why, before she melts down.   She has learned to keep it together when we are in public, and her public  meltdowns have become less frequent as she has gotten older. The underlying difficulties are still there,  she is just better at hiding her difficulties from others and I've gotten better at reading her stim levels.  At home she still gives it to me, I  take the meltdowns, screaming, flailing and 7 o'clock crazies as the price of her public pretense.

Tigerlily is wearing social camo. It is a really handy outfit to have, goes with everything. Its my favorite outfit on her.  Her therapists, Tiger and myself are all working really hard at keeping it current and on trend but like any piece of clothing it can be outgrown, or get damaged or sometimes she just doesn't want to wear it.

Whenever she takes it off and shows us her autistic style, it comes as a bit of a shock to me.

It's kind of like watching a ballerina suddenly switch from doing bar work to freestyle hip hop or crazy Cirque moves of a clown.

I don't like clowns.

I want the precious ballerina to be the truth and not an act.

Crap here comes the goose impression, OK more coffee is required.

...... slurp.

The fact is I like to think Tiger is only mildly autistic, but all her assessments say otherwise, and now there are additional diagnoses in the process of being added. As if autism isn't enough. I'm not sure what good the additional diagnoses will do, but the specialist thinks the more we know, the more we'll grow, so I'm going with it.  So this assessment is still in progress, and we are still experiencing some autistic growing pains.


The High Functioning Life, it's my circus, she's my monkey.


HFL Mama